Welcome to my story everyone. It's taken me a long time to put my story here for the world to see, mainly because, as I'm a cat, I can't type. I did ask mum to type it for me but she told me that if I'm so vain that I want to write a story about my life then she wasn't going to help me. That is why it has taken me 3 weeks but finally, it's here, so happy reading.
I was born in Manchester on August 25, 2000 to a really nice family and I had brothers and sisters. The first 12 weeks or so are a little bit hard to remember but there was lots of playing and sleeping and my humans spent lots of time with us all. Then finally, one day, it happened! All my other feline friends will know what I mean. Life was great and one day there were 2 strangers standing in my home carrying a cat crate. My human mum was trying to get me to come closer to her so these strangers could look at me but I thought I would be much better off continuing my games with my brothers and sisters. Mum finally caught me and picked me up and before I knew it, she had handed me to this strange woman that was in our house. I have to say I was scared at first, remember I was still a baby and NOTHING scares me now though.
After a few minutes with this strange woman whose name I found out was Kat, it started to feel quite nice. She was holding me the same way my other mum did and she was talking to me and stroking me gently. I was thinking maybe this isn't so bad after all. Just when I was getting used to this, the woman handed me to the strange man that came with her. I was starting to wonder what was going on, after all, I'm not a toy to be passed around. The man, who Kat called Graham, was also very gentle with me but enough was enough and I escaped. I'm very good at escaping you know. I ran back to my bed and watched the strangers and then Kat reached into her pocket and gave all these funny looking paper things to my mum. Now mum seemed very pleased with this but if I had known she want paper things, I could have found some for her. I don't know why she didn't just ask me. I heard them talking about me. The strangers wanted to know what sort of food I was eating and what cat litter I was used to. I thought these were really rude questions, I mean, did I ask them what they go to the toilet in?
Next thing I know, mum picked me up, gave me to Kat and I was suddenly put in a cat crate with the door firmly shut so I couldn't escape. Then Kat carried me out of my house, taking Graham with her and I was put in the back of this huge box with wheels. I now realise this box is what you humans call a car. They fussed about to make sure I was in securely and then they sat in the front of the car and all of a sudden it started moving. I did not like that at all so I did what all of us Siamese do when we want to be noticed.....I sang. For some strange reason, it made no difference to these strangers, Kat turned around to make sure the water in my crate hadn't spilt and Graham kept on driving. I gave up after a while and thought sleep was a much better option.
After what seemed to be days, apparently it was 4 hours, the car suddenly stopped and Kat and Graham got out and took me out of the car and into a strange house. They took me into the lounge room and left me in the crate for a few minutes and this huge black dog came over and started sniffing my crate. I hissed at him because he was much, much bigger than the dog that was in my previous house. They opened the door of my crate and I ran straight out under the cupboard, with this black dog close on my heels. Fortunately he was too big to fit under the cupboard so I was safe. Kat and Graham made the dog leave me alone and after a little while I started smelling something good. I thought I'd better go and have a look because I hadn't eaten in ages and was starving. In a nice little corner of the kitchen I found a bowl with the nicest food in it I had ever eaten.
When I finished eating, Kat picked me up and put me in a litter tray which wasn't too far away. Now that was rude because I don't try to force her to go to the toilet. I got out and she put me back in. this went on a couple of times so she stopped but I notice she was watching me very carefully. I then found a really nice little corner that I think was a much better place to go to the toilet, so I went. You should have seen the look on Kat and Graham's face when they saw this yellow puddle seeping out from under the TV unit. Kat picked me up, halfway during my toileting procedure I might add, and put me in the litter tray where I finished off. I was well unimpressed.
What a hectic day it had been though, certainly not one of my favourite days. It was definitely time to have a nice long nap. Kat and Graham, who obviously were going to be my new mum and dad, showed me where there was a lovely little basket where I could sleep during the day. I curled up and they let me sleep for ages, it was so nice.
Well everyone, part 1 of my story has now come to an end. As I mentioned, it took me 3 weeks to type it all and I now have RSI in my paws. I really need to work out a way to convince mum to type part 2 for me. Oh well. Make sure you come back soon to see where my story goes.
Hello again everyone. Welcome back to Part 2 of my life story. I am afraid to say however, that I still can't convince mum to type this for me. If only I had something to bribe her with, never mind. I hope you enjoy the second part of my story.....any comments would be welcomed.
I've now started settling into my new home quite well. It's a fairly full household I must say. There is myself (the most important one of course), there are mum and dad, a smaller version of mum and dad (called a child) as well as a black dog, named Sabre, and a small, furry creature that they tell me is a chinchilla and her name is Piko.
The other day, mum and dad put my in my car crate and took me for what I thought was going to be an interesting day out. They tricked me! We pulled up outside a place and they took me through the door and ohhhhhh, the smells. I could smell other cats and dogs, and also sorts of horrible things. A man came out and took us all into a little room with him and mum took me out of my crate and put me on a cold table. If that wasn't bad enough, then this man picked me up and started touching me all over. Next thing you know, he put a plastic stick thing in a most private part of my anatomy. I have never been so humiliated and certainly let them know all about it. Just when I thought it was all over, he then jabbed a pointy thing in behind my neck and fortunately for him, it was over quickly. Mum then put me back in my crate and told me it was all for my own good and that it would stop me getting sick from any bad diseases. How would she know, I ask myself, is she a cat doctor? That was definitely an experience I won't repeat in a hurry. What's that? Why is mum telling the lady at the desk that we'll be back again in 3 weeks. Oh no, I can't go through this again. If only I wasn't in my crate I'd run away. We went back home then mum fed me and let me sleep for a while.
I've now established in my new home, that I sleep under the duvet cover every night with mum and dad, and during the day, I sleep in a basket in their office on top of the computer monitors. They bought me 2 big scratching pole stands, one in the bedroom and one for the lounge room. They seem very pleased that I use the poles instead of the lounge. They also feed me on the top level of my poles because the black dog can't get to my food at all. Ha, ha, ha. It's actually a great life for a cat although they don't let me outside at all, unless I'm on a funny harness thing and mum hangs on to the other end of it. She tells me of course that it's for my own good, because I might get lost, or someone might steal me, or maybe a car could run me over. I really think it's because she loves me so much, she doesn't want me out of her sight. So I'll patiently put up with it because after all, would you disagree with "she who feeds you". Not I.
Obviously, my first duty in this household is to show that black dog that I am in charge, not her. I have to say that for a dog, she is actually quite smart because after the first 2 days, she learnt there was no point in trying to chase me because I am much smaller and I can fit in places that she can't. Not only that, I'm much faster and she can't catch me. As for sniffing my backside...well it's just not on. I told her that it is totally unacceptable. To tell you the truth, she's actually very nice now that she realises I'm here to stay. She let's me curl up with her to sleep and she lets me drink from her water bowl. Her games are really fun too. I invented some new games called "How to annoy the black dog". They're so simple to play and she always complies. First there is the tail chasing. She has the hairy tail that she just leaves lying around behind her all the time for me to play with. When she lies down, I bat it between my paws and start pulling bits of fur out of it. Of course, she then gets up and walks away but that is even more fun because I run along behind her jumping into the air and catching it. She obviously isn't as smart as I thought, because if she was, she would just sit on it. My other game with her is to wait until she is sleeping on the lounge and I sneak up on her doing my expert leopard crawl and pounce on her. I then run away before she even opens her eyes. Needless to say, the black dog and I have a great relationship.
The same can not be said for the furry creature. It's very cruel of mum and dad to keep Piko in a big cage that stops me from getting in to play with her. Although, Piko seems much more intent on ignoring me or tormenting me than wanting to play with me. Not very friendly really. I make the effort of visiting her cage at least 7 times a day in the hope that she'll open the door and let me in but all to no avail. I sit right next to the cage licking my lips and staring at her. She comes down to my level and glares at me, then she turns her back on me and sits there eating. How rude. Whenever I try to get her attention by hitting the cage with my paw, she runs to the top perch and comes back down and glares at me again. I have to say that she is much quicker than me. She sleeps a lot during the day and I spend ages sitting next to her cage asking her to come down but all she does is snore. On the whole though, we get on fairly well. I'm just waiting for the day to come when the human's forget to close her cage door and I'm going to have a chinchilla burger for breakfast.
We've now come to the end of Part 2. I'm starting to grow a lot more now, so make sure you come back for Part 3 to see what other mischief I am going to get up to.
I was now to learn, must to my disgust, what confinement really means. For weeks now, strange people seem to stop at our door and they keep giving mum and dad huge wooden things with wire.Each time they arrive, mum looks so happy and then she looks at me and just grins. I'm starting to get the feeling that these wire things have something to do with me. It appears that I didn't have to wonder for too much longer. Mum and dad spent Saturday in the garden putting all these wire things together. They built a giant cage. Does this mean that they finally listened to me and are going to use it to put that black dog in, to keep her out of my way. What great owners I have. Just when I thought things couldn't get any better, mum picked me up and put me in the cage and locked the door. Is that grass I can smell? I've heard about grass you know, the dog told me about it. I guess the hard stuff must be the pavement. Is there any greater pleasure than rolling around on hot pavement.....I think not. Oh this is wonderful, I'm finally outside. After 1/2 an hour of bliss I decided that this is all well and good but it's time to go back inside.
Mum? Dad? Where are you? They have left me here, oh no! Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmm? Help me out of here. Where are they? The black dog is sitting beside my giant cage laughing at me because I'm trapped. Well that's what you think, you big furball! I figured that because humans are a bit dumb, they probably forgot that I cats can climb. So that's exactly what I'll do, I'm going to climb up this wire and get out at the top. After the long ascent I finally reached the top. Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh it has a giant lid on it, I'm doomed to spend the rest of my life in this place. Wait, the back door is opening. It's mum, oh how I love you mum, come and let me out now. Mum opened my door and took me back inside and asked me what I thought of my new cat run. I said cat run......you must be kidding, I'm too lazy to run anywhere. That's when she said "No silly, it's so you can go outside and nothing bad can happen to you, it keeps you safe and you can still enjoy being outside in the sun and fresh air" I told her, that while I appreciate it, she would be far better, giving it to the black furball, and mum just laughed at me and put me in my basket.
My miniature furry play mate came over on the weekend to visit me. Now the miniature furball belongs to what the little adult in our house calls "Nanna". (I think nanna belongs to dad). How I love it when nanna comes for lunch and brings my friend. The furball's name is Shelly and she's as small as me, mum told me that even though she's small, she really is a dog, but I don't believe her. No self respecting dog would stop growing at that height. Shelly is so much fun to play with because she is scared of me a bit hehehehehehe. We spend all our time together running around the table in the dining room, I chase her for hours and she loves it. Then nanna makes her sit down and stay which is really funny because Shelly has a hairy little tail and no matter how hard she tries, she can't keep it still. I know that she really only wags it about so I can pounce on it and chew it. She's too stupid to sit on it because all cats know that dogs have no brains.
Shelly has more hair than me, even after nanna gives her a hair cut. I wish nanna would chop off her tail because then she could give it to me as a toy. Shelly needs to learn though that when we all sit down after dinner that her place is NOT on my mum's lap, that is reserved for me only! How dare she. Well she's not going to get away with it, so I jumped up onto the lounge and started pushing Shelly off. She wouldn't budge, but a nip on the tail should do it hehehe. Mum looked at me sternly and said there was plenty of room for both of us and I had to be nice to Shelly. Which goes to show how stupid mum is because mum is so skinny like a toothbrush with hair that there is absolutely no room for 2 pets on there, only 1, and that 1 should be ME! But no, I had to share, which meant that we only had half our bodies on mum, and the other half on the lounge. I do believe that it is now time for Shelly to go home. My prayers have been answered, I can have mum to myself again. Or not, it seems, we're all going to bed so I will have to share her with dad. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
What are these things that mum spends so much time on. Every day, she gets out a huge flat board and opens it up and she gets out a box with lots of little things in it with colours on it. She then spends hours putting all the little things together. I think I need a closer inspection, this looks like fun and I could help her because I'm the most clever being in this house as everyone knows. Up I jump onto the table and sat on part of this huge board and watched mum. She gave me what appeared to be a warning glance, but I don't know what for, after all, I'm prepared to give up my dog chasing time to assist her. This board feels like such a great mat to lie on, it's like suede almost. That was when I really made my mum cross. I stepped on all her pieces on the board and lay down and just rolled, this is so much fun. Mum was so cranky, I've never seen her this mad at me. She picked me up and yelled at me, telling me I had just ruined hours of work on her "jigsaw". Then she put me very roughly on the ground (almost threw me really). The indignity of it.
Well what is a "jigsaw" anyway? What's the point of her doing things if I can't help. Back I go for the second time, because I know mum really didn't mean to yell at me, I'm sure if I go back to the jigsaw board now, that she will apologise and give me a cuddle. How wrong I was! I didn't even make it to the jigsaw pieces. She picked me up at yelled at me again and put me back down. She then told me that if I got up there again she would turn me into a pair of "slippers". Would she? Is this jigsaw thing so important to her, more important than me having fun? It appears so. Well I think I'll lull her into a false sense of security. I jumped up to the table and lay down a few centimetres away from the board. She glared at me and said "Don't even think about it" I just smiled at her and moved a bit closer. That's when she got up from her jigsaw and went to the cupboard. She must be finally going to apologise and maybe get me a nice treat to say sorry. Aaaahhhhhhhhhhh it's the water spray and it got me. She told me that every time I came near her jigsaw from now on, I was going to get wet. Might have to re think this jigsaw thing somehow.
It's now time I said goodbye again, you all know what this typing does to my paws. If you come back in a couple of week's time and don't find a story, it's because I am now a pair of "slippers".
It's been such a long time since I've added to my story, but being a cat of course, my day is full of so many activities that I have not had the time. For example, I eat, play and sleep and naturally, sleep is the most time consuming activity in my day. Today, I'm going to tell you about my holiday. Now why is it that all you humans look forward to this even called a holiday and then when it finally happens, it turns out to be your worst nightmare. For weeks prior to the "event" all mum and dad said was how they couldn't wait until they had a break because they had been working so hard and were looking forward to a week of nothing but sight seeing and relaxing. (Do they really think they'll get a break when they drag us 3 pets along?), Well I don't know about them, but it seemed to me, and the dogs, that it was a nightmare from start to finish, and what about our break, they don't give us a holiday from them and we deserve one far more than they do!
It started with the packing and trying to fit everything in the car. Now there was us 3 pets, our human parents and the human child, as well as our human Nanna. Luggage, luggage, and more luggage, do you humans not understand what traveling light means? Did mum really need all that make up, clothes and hair dryer? Just for a week? Now you look at us pets, all we took was, well nothing really, just bowls, leads, harnesses, brushes and minimal first aid equipment like ear cleansers etc, and ID paperwork, AND it all fit in one tiny little plastic bag. Now why can't they do that? So finally, the big day is here and the car has to be packed. Do they really think we pets want to be stuffed in the back with all that luggage? Okay, so maybe they do have this huge box on top of their car on these funny racks, but even after they filled that, there was still stuff to go in the back. Oh well, I get the most room anyway, as I should, because I'm in my crate and I can move about, whereas the poor dogs (no I'm not really feeling sympathetic towards them, they are dogs after all) but mum put their harnesses on them and they they were attached to metal things in the car so they "were safe" mum said. I don't think the dogs felt too safe, they were cranky. To make matters worse, mum and dad brought this thing that they called a "dog guard". What it meant was that the dogs weren't able to hang over the back seat and drool on passengers like they usually do because there were some bars and rail there to stop them. Needless to say, the dogs sulked the entire journey. It took us about 2 1/2 hours to get there (I know cause mum told me) and they stopped on the way so we could all get out and stretch our legs and go to the toilet. When we pulled up at our toilet stop, mum came round and got me out first, while dad got Sabre out and Nanna got Shelly out. We were getting very strange looks from all the other people who were parked there for a rest as well. Have they never seen a cat before? Then again, they were probably staring wondering what this vision of beauty and grace was doing, with such horrible looking dogs and human owners. Naturally, mum took me to the grass so I could go to the toilet..........like as if I would go there, in public. Hello mum, where is my litter tray? Of course I did not go, but I did get to stretch my legs and drag mum through some bushes which she did not appreciate. The dogs went of course, but they have no dignity. So back we all went to the car, got strapped in again and off we were.
We got to our cottage (or the house from hell, depends on how you look at it), and went inside. I told the dogs, that we'd better stay out of the way while the humans unpacked all their luggage. They all found their bedrooms and took their junk up there while we explored. Oh what heavenly windowsills, they were big enough for me to sit on and watch everything outside, but oh what hideous decor. What was the owner of the cottage thinking, she must have been drunk when she decorated this place. Naturally I had to be very careful where I walked because there were so many breakable things in there, but being my usual agile self, this was never going to be a problem. The first night was fairly quiet, the humans ate, and fed us, and then talked a bit while they sat in the lounge room while we roamed the house again. The dogs were very worried, because there no where for them to go to the toilet in the yard. So they kept having to be taken out on their leashes to go across the road, on the grass and in the bushes, which was really funny because they were prickly bushes. Not only that, we were half way up a steep hill so dad and nanna had to walk up and down the hill with them till they went. Serves them right.
That first night was awful, I was kept awake all night by creaks and snores and all sorts of noises. Apparently it didn't matter which room you slept in, because you could hear what went on in all the other rooms upstairs and downstairs. The main topic of conversation the next day was dad's snoring which was heard throughout the whole house, probably throughout the country if the truth be known. And it was so hot, naturally the windows couldn't be opened because I might decide to go for a stroll and get lost......as if I could get lost.
The next day, the humans decide to go and have a look around and left us 3 there in the house. We were not impressed. It might not have been so bad had Sabre not decided to get sick. Oh great, I'm locked in the house with a dog who can't stop going to the toilet (wonder if it's the water up here). Oh man, that dog really reeks, why did they have to shut the doors. Can't wait to see the human's reaction when they get home, there's dog mess everywhere, on the tiles, and on the carpet hehehehe. They finally come home and walk in and reel backwards from the smell. Naturally they knew straight away who it was, it's not like that much stuff would come out of Shelly or myself. So then the cleaning up process begins, against much discussion on what has caused this? Finally they get the floors looking a bit better and totally choke us all with air freshener. There should be a law against that stuff.
They decided the next day that they would take us out for a drive, or so they told us, but low and behold, they only took Sabre for a drive, now how unfair is that? But at least Shelly and I could sleep all day in peace without any rude leakages from Sabre's bottom. When they came back, they brought Sabre in, stayed for a while, took the dogs out to go AGAIN...that's all dogs seem to do. They then left us behind and went out again. What on earth is so fascinating in this part of the world, that they have to keep going out. Oh no, she's off again, mum is gonna be mega annoyed when she comes back to another one of Sabre's giant messes. Think I might watch this from some safe distance hehehe. Here we go again, the cleaning up, the revolting spray, more discussion. That night everyone went to their respective rooms, unfortunately, Sabre was sleeping with mum and dad and me, like I need to be subjected to that all night!!! And suddenly, just as we were dropping off to sleep, she started again, first it was a revolting noise, and then out it all came, and what a mess and smell it was. So in the early hours of the morning, mum and dad were cleaning up in their bedroom and Sabre was taken outside so she could go again. Hellloooooo if she just went then, she's not gonna want to go right now is she? How stupid can these humans be. We all settle down to try and get some more sleep and just before 7am, she does it all over again. What is wrong with that dog.
The next day went as normal, we were left behind, the humans, went out to see more of whatever it is they see, Sabre had her usual bottom problems, again, all over the floor. When the humans came back, they did the usual clean up, and because that night it was so hot, they decided to open the window, for fresh air and to let the smell from Sabre escape. Did they really think that just because they were all sitting in that room, that I wouldn't be able to get out the window without them seeing? I waited until they were all concentrating on the magazines and the TV and then I made the "Great Escape". Not one of them saw me approach the window and jump out. Freedom.........finally. It was wonderful. First I walked all around the garden, which was not very big and did not take long at all, then I decided to go across the road, because on the other side, was this lovely huge green meadow with trees and everything was so huge. Their were millions of stars in the sky and I was on my own for the first time in my life to go where I wanted. I then walked up and down the road, to see who else was around, and then I saw a car drive by, hang on a sec, that looked like our car with mum and dad in it. What on earth are they doing driving very slowly at this time of night, they should have been home in bed! I hid in the bushes and they never saw me, which was good, because then I would lost my new found freedom. About 10 minutes later, they came back down the road, again very slowly and kept going past our house. I strained my ears, and I could hear them calling from the car as they drove, and yes, they were calling my name. They must have found out I wasn't there any more. I moved back further into the bushes, there's not way they'll see me in here. When they passed, I walked a bit further up the road, but there was no other beings around, it was as if I were the only person in existence. This freedom bit isn't that great really, there's not even anything for me to hunt and kill, may as well start to make my way back home, oops, can't have gone as far as I thought, because 2 houses down, I can see my cottage. Mum and dad came back in their car and got out and were still calling me, I'd best hide here before I go in then, how was I supposed to know they were worried and upset. I let them get in the house and started to walk towards the front gates, just as I was going through them, I saw mum open the door and walk in the front garden shaking my food bowl with yummy things rattling in it, she looked around, but must be as blind as a bat, because she still didn't see me. She turned and put the bowl down in the doorway, still calling me, and then she saw me. This is how important I am, because as soon as she saw me, she smiled the biggest smile I ever saw (I didn't think it was the time to tell her that she had something stuck in her teeth) and she held out her arms to me. I went straight to her and she picked me up and hugged me and cried and told me she thought I was gone forever and she told me how much she loved me. Then she took me inside to see dad and Nanna, who by now and made sure all the windows were closed. They all gave me a huge hug and dad told me later that night, that I should not have gone off on my own because everyone was very worried about me and I made mum cry for ages while I was gone. So naturally, I told him that he was the stupid one who opened the window hehehehe.
The last few days of the holiday, followed as much the same as the first few, with us being left behind, them going out, and coming back and cleaning up Sabre's mess. On the last night there, instead of making the most of it, the humans had a discussion about was it worth spending one more night and having to clean up after Sabre again, or should they just pack and go home now. Well we pets said to them, go home now, we want to be back home. The humans listened to us of course, and started packing. Within 3 hours, the luggage was in the car, we were in the car and the house from hell was back to normal.
How nice it is to be back to what I know. I wonder now, will they do it again. If they every talk about a "holiday" again, I shall remind them of the last one and see if they suddenly change their minds about going.
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